To My Wife 2

I try to concentrate upon you,

to discipline myself to be able to

receive you,

support you;

As if I can just conjure you.

Can you emerge from my thoughts

as our mor emerges from a rib?

Our teacher says the Universe is

made through such ways,

and our Rabbis say, Adonai.

Perhaps we can settle upon

our circumstances.

I previously think you are someone else

I previously indulge in the thought that you are many.

Yet I am increasingly resolved that

you are you:

a woman who is destined

to be with me.

to be my wife,

to be the more of my children,

and to be my partner in

our spiritual journey of life

I believe my preparation for you requires

discipline,

focus.

Without being obsessive or rigid

like cultivating serendipity,

and like holding a balloon

with soapy hands.

The passing days, months, and years

provoke the experience of hot air:

only a modest window before

the balloon floats into the

airy Sky.

It is difficult to contain myself

The logic of such containment

is tenuous

when I know I must eventually

release myself

within you.

So in the meanwhile,

as I negotiate this Universe,

I facilitate my dissipation

a little less, here;

a little less, there.

The power of my life force

is reduced,

a fewer amounts of it

are returned.

My negotiations

bring me closer to you

and further away.

There is an absence of any guarantee that

you exist

I have yet to meet anyone like you.

Though, perhaps it is a matter of Faith,

a matter of discipline,

a matter of harmony.

I return to where I am.

I have yet to build a home for you.

I have yet to find a community for us.

I deeply believe

that home is ultimately our connexion

with Divine Benevolence

that exists within each of us.

Yet, at the end of the day,

in this life,

that home needs a dinner table,

with drink and food

to support us.

I am negotiating a community

wherein we can be our home.

I am negotiating a path

wherein we can find that community.

And whilst many people, many communities,

and many teachers

tout this path,

it seems a path walked by only a few

individuals souls,

at least of which we know.

I am sitting within

our अΣO אن冬宮.

Everyone else is gone,

Except a couple cats.

And the computer is broken.

Our message is already sent,

yet there are few direct responses.

The prospect is Dub.i.us,

and maintaining an austere routine.

There threat of eviction looms,

and with it,

the arrival of men with guns,

the detainment behind locked doors,

the torture inflicted by friendly faces, and

the dangers of living on the street.

Yet, beyond this,

there is the vision of

a passivhaus for our अΣO אن冬宮,

a prosperous neighbourhood for our uNi Village,

and a harmonious balance amidst our Universal community.

Within this vision,

we are together.

We have children,

and we celebrate the

joys and lessons

of every day.

You provide a welcoming and caring home

for our family

I provide a modest and studious home

for our family.

And our friends and neighbourhoods

come from all around

the Earth

and the Universe

and we are all at home,

with each other.

I consider:

how do I find you,

without scaring you away.

How do I commit to you,

without alienating the communities

to which I belong.

So much has to be learned

by so many.

And yet, so much already is

and continues to be.

Amidst the challenges,

there is promise.

I can hear you

beyond the hills.

Our energy brings us

closer together;

the letters we write

the words we say

the conversations we build

the food we eat

the stories we hear

the teachings we practise

the thoughts we share

the Truth we believe

and the air we breathe.

It is about momentum,

the cycles within which we are involved,

the circles within we find ourselves

the daily routines towards which we commit

that gradually bring us

to each other.

Do you know my name?

Do you know who I am?

Do you know what I look like?

I am sitting here,

moving closer to you.